Nothing I hate more than people calling you on the phone trying to sell you something. Fortunately I have a last name that’s hard to pronounce and I can nail a telemarketer the second they start their approach.

*ring*
Skunky: Hello?
Telemarketer: “Is Mr. C.. C.. Cu.. Cooperneenyan there?”

Talk about busted, I know who they are from the get go which has led me to the perfect way to blow them off with no recourse.

Skunky: “I’m sorry but he isn’t here right now.”
Telemarketer: “Is the Mrs. there?”
Skunky: “There is no Mrs.”
Telemarketer: “Is there a better time to reach him?”

Now here’s the kicker. I’ve found this line stuns the telemarketer in his/her tracks and leaves them unsure and ready for the kill..

Skunky: “He works on call, so when his beeper goes off he’s out the door. Can I take a message?”

Now we all now telemarketers never leave a message, there’s no reason you would want to call them! Now here’s the part that really puts the banana in a painful place…

Telemarketer: “No, there’s no message, this is just a courtesy call.”
Skunky: “Ok <click!>”

“Courtesy call”?? Who the hell are these people kidding! If they were truly courteous they would not have called and interrupted me during a serious brain storm causing me to lose my train of thought and forever losing the formula for crossing the banana and coconut!!

Skunky